Seriously. Just The Science answers all those questions you wonder about and then forget to look into. Better yet you can follow them on Twitter as well so you’re in the know as soon as they are.

Plus it’s run by a long time friend of mine that I can personally vouch for,  he really doesn’t have anything else going on.

You’re welcome.

Ladies and Gentleman I have done it. World peace is attainable without using force or violence. I’ve actually done in in 3 easy to complete steps. I will break it down for everyone to enjoy. I’ve even included pictures so the understanding, recall-ability, and associations are easy to keep track of and follow:

1. Evacuate All Women From The Middle East To A Destination Of Their Choosing



2. All Foreign Aid To Africa Must Cease Immediately



3. To Vote In Any Election In Any CountryYou Must Have An IQ Surpassing 120 – The Same Is True To Hold Public Office



Now all you have to do is sit back, wait 50 years (that’s 2 generations for those of you keeping track), and let nature sort everything out. I promise that everything will work out fine by then. For any present conflicts not within the boundaries of the Middle East or Africa the I.Q. stipulation takes care of that. It’s just in time for the average male life expectancy to do me in so the sooner we get the ball rolling, the better.

I know it might seem brash, provocative, maybe even a tad controversial but don’t let those things bother you. Once upon a time the idea that the Earth was round was provocative and controversial. The same holds true for the outrageous notion that the Earth rotated around the Sun. Now days those adjectives are reserved for global warming and other liberal viewpoints.

You kind of start to see the correlation between everything…

Oh and you’re welcome.

Walking out of a movie theater mid-movie in some kind of passive protest does not make you a badass. It does however make you a giant asshole, and a stupid one at that. In fact it probably means you’re really bad at making decisions on top of the implication you tend to be prejudice. Yes that’s right, the defiant act of leaving a movie part way in only shows the world that you are an idiotic prejudging asshole, not some kind of moviephile elitist with only the highest degrees of taste in art and film.

I haven’t witnessed it too often but there is one slight exception, as was the case when I was at a Watchmen viewing. Being that a family removed themselves from the theater due to the fact they had small children with them. I don’t consider them to be assholes based on that, but I do hold them to a higher degree of stupidity than the normal walk-out. You see, it takes someone stupid to go to a movie these days with total ignorance about what it is they are going to be watching. Movies have reviewers and critics, a synopsis and a genre for a reason. To forgo these massive indicators and blindly walk in is moronic.

Now take that mindset and apply it to a parent or guardian that is responsible for young children. To take them into an R-rated film only to not realize your mistake when there’s an attempted rape scene blasting its way into their psyche forever, is well, really stupid. To take any sub-teenager into an R-rated film is setting yourself up for open mockery and at least a little ostracizing for being a fucking retard. However the plain, old-fashioned walk-out screams for people to give you attention. The whole “look at me, I’m above this, I’m above this wasting my time, look at you sheep, foolishly viewing such a piece of garbage, look at you all, you’re all sub-par to my ability to gauge a valuable use of time” facade you put on as you leave the premises doesn’t fool anyone. Every single person seated in the dark instantly recognizes you as the tool you are.

Now as if these actions weren’t bad enough, with the advent of the Internet as well as the increased usage of forums and the like, the self-promotion of this idiotic maneuver is rampant in the ‘tubes. To be so dumb to brag about a movie that was so “bad” you had to leave only reinforces the fact you are not to be credible as an opinion-giver. The moment you decide to admit or brag about this fact, everyone reading your comment(s) instantly recognizes you as the tool you are. Plus how would you know the movie was bad if you didn’t see the entire thing. This would baffle me the most except I try not to rationalize with the gutter trash of the Internet.

As for the rest of you dirtbags, stop bringing your kids to movies you know nothing about. I’m tired of hearing a crying baby during a bloodbath scene up on the screen because I envision the hellhole that kid must live in and how you’re so inept I’m tempted to just turn around and take the kid from you.

It’s inevitable. Any doubters at this point are playing devil’s advocate on purpose, just to be asses. Verizon is scrambling to get it’s 4G LTE network finalized for the 2009 holidays, allegedly to make way for the rumored Apple Tablet and/or iPhone. I can’t say I know anything more than other speculators but I can tell you one thing: Next summer when the iPhone 4G debuts (hopefully with the upgraded Samsung ARM processors that finally reach the 1GHz mark) for Verizon’s better and faster LTE network I’ll be taking my contract with AT&T and wiping my ass with it.

At this point what is there to lose? After all AT&T has turned into the “fuck the customer base, we can do what we want” bully company that no one likes. It’s nearly August, where is my [carrier-sanctioned] tethering plan? Where is my MMS capabilities? It’s mid-2009, MMS is practically an unalienable right for any mobile carrier. I know that Apple is partially to blame for being so late to the game but let’s be honest, the rich set of features that come with the iPhone more than make up for the fact it is/was lacking in other areas like MMS and camera abilities. All other carriers have their MMS in order, I guess it’s pretty telling that AT&T is refusing to unlock that gate for it’s iPhone customers only. Talk about discriminatory practices.

It’s not like Verizon’s network is shit either, they’re “America’s most reliable” and are even taking action to have that claimed court-backed. I’m sure their service can outpace that of AT&T. The LTE architecture itself isn’t even riddled with doubt, AT&T is planning to eventually get around to upgrading to it as well… in 2011. That’s AT&T-speak for 2012 though, once again coming a day late and a dollar short. Verizon just seems to be on the crest of the wave, always a step ahead whether it’s FiOS or looking ahead to 4G and beyond and taking the right steps. Meanwhile what is AT&T doing exactly? Upgrading their towers to 7.2 Mbps instead of 3.6? Blocking websites with questionable content because there was a spoofed DDoS attack from their IP? Playing at being police because they love being the government’s lapdog and bending over and grabbing their ankles when the NSA comes-a-knockin?

I say fuck that. June of 2010 will be my last stint with AT&T. I don’t think there’s any reason for it to go any longer than it has. Anyone who can stand up for them has no idea what they’re talking about. You know the only reason I can’t MMS right now is a check box on my internal profile for allowing it? Are you serious AT&T? Another benefit for jumping a sinking ship is the fact that after my $100 ETF for AT&T, I’ll be grabbing the newest model at the subsidized price instead of having to hawk my phone on eBay again to cover my upgrading expenses. You’d think AT&T would recognize these warning signs and pay attention to its customers and, you know, do anything short of blowing them in order to keep them but who knows. Maybe AT&T execs think that becoming the next Sprint is a good thing.

Sources:

Update!

It appears that the recent yank of Sean Kovacs’ ‘GV Mobile‘ Google Voice app and the subsequent rejection of Google’s own Voice app were due to AT&T’s police-like barricade on anything they don’t really like. (See also: Skype over 3G)

This has seriously taken a turn for the worse and further cements AT&T’s feet in concrete shoes. Adios fellas.

Source:

• Who Killed The Google Voice iPhone Application?

History and pop culture is laden with dynamic duos. Duos who are seem incomplete when paired off separately. From Batman & Robin, to Abbott & Costello to Tits & Ass, no duo is really 100% whole without the sum of all its parts. The ampersand symbol itself was probably brought mainstream by its duo use alone! The point is somethings just go together, like, well like peanut butter & jelly. It is with this archaic tandem in mind that I bring to you, the masses, a grand idea for another timeless pairing…

The idea came to me in a firestorm of a dilemma, the craving for my favorite consumable beverage: strawberry milk. Now this by itself is no cause for alarm but in the wee hours of the morning it’s just not going to cut the mustard. Most of the time I have to opt out for something more traditional, like coffee. Blech. Summer time is just a mere heat stroke away and coffee when I’m already uncomfortably warm is borderline at best. My other options are energy drinks but these all taste like ass, so do most sodas for that matter.

But wait!

What if by some sheer Frankensteinian formula someone was able to reproduce the sweet pink taste of strawberry milk with the kick of an energy drink? Why not say the king of energy drinks currently: Red Bull? Both are sold just a few doors away from each other in the convenience store! They’re both begging to hook up and have that ass-kicking lovechild that has the best built in brand name already attached to it: Bull Milk.

Mull that over for a bit. Gargle that in the throat of your mind for a second. Swish that around until it froths up with tasty pink bubbles for a moment. The marketing is practically there already. Piggybacking off the ‘got milk?’ ad campaign alone would blast the public with it’s forceful imagery. I see a mental collage of famous people with pink mustaches, breast cancer awareness marketing pumping vigorous amounts of cash into it, and a happy man who has another choice in his mornings or anytime.

Bull Milk
The taste of a cow with the kick of a bull
Charging its way to storefronts near you!