‘Avatar’ Trailer Shows Us Just Enough To Give Armond White A Head Start On His Negative Review
by gatsome on Aug.20, 2009, under Movies
One of the biggest Attention Whores out there, excluding celebs, is film critic Armond White. White continues to implant his often race-fueled agenda into many a movie review, the latest being ‘District 9′. He’s often the first on the scene with a negative review and he does it with a tenacity and ignorance that other AWs often times envy. There’s limitless speculation as to why White chooses to act out this way but the logical conclusion is that it’s a numbers game. If he’s single handedly driving traffic to his employer then they will continue to condone and defend him until people cease paying attention to him. Here is some of what White would say on ‘Avatar’ when it’s released:
AVATAR is nothing but an elaborate retelling of Walt Disney’s POCAHONTAS told through the veil of science fiction. It even manages to keep the lame cartoonish factor and predictable plot devices we’ve all come to expect from a Disney feature. It also keeps the same racist overtones.
Imagine a story where a group of people come from a distant place to a New World and find it violent and a practically inhospitable place full of danger and discovery. Further imagine this story as the lead character from this Old World becomes friendly and involved with a female native and a Shakespearean love feud commences between the two sides. This is further fueled by the fact the newcomers are in search for valuable materials found in the ground and the natives feel the oncoming threat and prepare to defend themselves and their homes from these alien intruders. Oh, and the lead male’s initials are J.S.
At first glance you might think that this is a fantastic new adventure never before seen or imagined. Others might look deeper and see an alien invasion story flipped on its head as humans are now the ones with the superior technology are are invading someone else’s planet and disguising themselves in fake bodies that resemble its inhabitants.
But you would be wrong.
It’s nothing but a more expensive rehash of one of the world’s classic culture-rape stories. In comes the white man to do what he wants with the colored natives, and in addition to stealing and thieving everything he can he might just stick around long enough to steal the hearts of the native women as well. It doesn’t matter if it’s Captain John Smith or marine Jake Sully it’s the same unoriginal story with borrowed theme after borrowed theme: A plethora of technologically superior white men arrive in strange looking vessels to rape and pillage the land and (in one movie literally) open Pandora’s Box.
Now these are not my views on it but the point is that it’s easy to bash something and twist it into negativity. In fact I wouldn’t at all be surprised if Armond White comes up with this very same idea which is why I’m writing it down now. He might bitch about predictability but in the wide wide world of film criticism, no one is more predictable than Armond White.
With his physical stature in mind, maybe Armond “I Wish My Last Name Wasn’t” White is actually the biggest AW on the internet after all. Here’s a listed example of his past transgressions, I don’t have a source on it unfortunately:
Also worth checking out is a previous entry from way back in March (opens in new window):
The Movie Critic: America’s Newest Trolling Attention Whore
Just updated:
Avatar Day Screening: A Complete Breakdown And First Impressions On 15 Minutes Of 3D Footage
8 Comments for this entry
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August 20th, 2009 on 8:44 pm
What the hell?
Don’t compare Avatar to Pocahontas. They are two different movie. How can you say this before you even watch the movie.
August 20th, 2009 on 8:49 pm
Well first off, in order to compare things they have to be different anyways. Secondly, I’m not comparing it to anything. If you aren’t familiar with Armond White then you need to familiarize yourself with who he is, what he does, and why he’s a jerkoff. Then come back and read this a little more closely.
Also worth noting is the satire tag.
August 24th, 2009 on 2:31 pm
First of all, I don’t know who Armond White is, nor do I care, and your ‘pre-emptive’ rediculous whining about what some other guy will write is childish and stupid. By attempting to ‘read another man’s mind’ you have only revealed how stupid you are. You decided he would say it looks like ‘Pocahontas’ because very obviously YOU think it does, and…you’d be right. It DOES look like Pocahontas in space, Ferngully, Dance with Wolves, etc. There wouldn’t necessarily be anything wrong with that fact either, but you’ve also decided that you’ll also presume some other writer will make issue with it. Why don’t you take this up with Mr. White, who you seem to hate so much instead of whining to us about it? I’m sure he has an email and can be contacted…otherwise you’re just making yourself look like an ass.
August 24th, 2009 on 2:57 pm
If you don’t know who Armond White is, why would you criticize a satirical piece of writing about him? Couldn’t that be considered talking out your ass? For the record I am pumped about this movie, but people like Armond White can’t be bought, bullied, or reasoned with. Some people just want to whore attention at the cost of a negative review. This article is a pre-emptive strike that will most likel never reach his eyes but it will reach people like you. If one less person buys into the bullshit Armond White droops out of his mouth than it was all worth it. Also, you might want to get that stick removed out of your ass.
August 24th, 2009 on 6:45 pm
Sounds like if you hate this Armond White, he’s probably a good writer, and I’d be more apt to look at what he’s saying, if it pisses off assholes like you.
You sound like a fanboy gushing idiot, who hasn’t even seen Avatar yet, and you’re ‘worried’ that somebody out there is going to hate your favorite movie…if you’re so concerned that “Armond White” will never see your stupid blog article, why not send it to him? Are you afraid to confront him? No. You’d rather blab to the world about how you are so bunged up that this guy (who you obviously hate) will NOT like your movie. How old are you? You need to grow up. If you don’t like something this guy says in the past, or something he’s written recently, why not email him? Telling the world your paranoia about what he “might” say is ridiculous. Roger Ebert might hate this movie too, why not write up a pre-emptive idiot review for him as well? As a matter of fact, why don’t we just put you in charge of every movie critic out there, and you can TELL them what to write for us all…you can type away, and write reviews for everyone else, because after all, not only do you know what people are ‘going to say,’ you have a much better perspective than they do and you can make sure they don’t criticize your favorite movies…or why not get a life, and write your own reviews to movies, instead of pretending you’re somebody else? Because you’re a fucking child.
August 24th, 2009 on 7:40 pm
Really? Your IF/THEN logic is so finely tuned that you can discern whether or not my hate level determines their talent level? That’s impressive. I would hardly call myself a gushing idiot, my review of the preview screening is more then objective. I will never call Armond White an idiot, he writes with a heavy background and an obvious intelligence. I can however call him an attention whore and a danger to the critic industry. None of those statements denote his intelligence or his writing talent. The reason he gets this special kind of attention other then more prominent critics like Ebert (who, if you were to read his blog, also thinks Armond White is nuts) is because of the spin White embodies and produces. If you were to look at the movie list above which is based on his Rotten Tomatoes ratings of recent films you would be an absolute moron to not think something foul was afoot. Now since you don’t know anything about this, Armond White, or his subjective approach to film reviews maybe it’s time you take a seat. And if you want him to badly see this, you have the link and you can send it yourself. I’m not going to spam him with my schtick for attention, he does it enough for the both of us.
September 3rd, 2009 on 2:03 pm
I think you may be overlooking something. If everyone in the world decides Avatar is crap, White will herald it as a great success.
December 28th, 2009 on 11:46 am
what do you expect from a vine swinging yard ape!