about:stuff

There used to be a time in my life where I could absorb a critic’s input with a sense of “Oh, well when you put it that way I guess I can see your point of view“. Now in the later stages of the Internet Age, top shelf critique of that nature is only reserved for the old timers among them. What’s left for us is the adaptive yet tragically hip critic-de-jour. The kind of person you’d avoid at parties, if they were ever to be present at one.

These evolved critics have been ambushed in one too many forum wars and emerged from the battle tainted with the seductive powers of the trolling movement. There are many definitions of a troll but one of the more clear and concise is found at Urban Dictionary and is as follows:

One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.

The key wording here is deliberately provocative. The problem herein lies with greed. These bastards are all competing for worldwide attention and there are only so many ways you can say “I liked it” or “I hated it” in 500 words all the while sounding boring and unoriginal. So instead of writing what you really feel, you cater to your inner demons and write something so loud, obnoxious and fucking smug that people have no choice to pay attention. You can overlook 10 average Joes but the one Quasimodo to reach your peripheral vision will stick out like sore thumb. Same concept on the Internet, the louder and nuttier you are, the more people will look and the higher your name recognition gets.

Normally this would be so benign it would be irrelevant but when a bunch of unoriginal pussies gather ’round the ‘puter to type their two cents worth it turns into ‘Who can make it sound the worst’. If you frequent popular review aggregation sites like Rotten Tomatoes or any other similar ones, you’ll notice this quite often. They’re the ones from big metropolitan publications and their reviews are often muddled with so much obfuscation you start to question their credibility. This is where you look up their review history and see how the blatantly obvious GOOD MOVIES are stricken with their negative grunts and moans. I’m sorry but anyone who gives a negative review to The Dark Knight or Slumdog Millionaire or Iron Man is obviously trolling for recognition.

Ultimately this would be relegated to the Who Gives A Shit file but on a worldwide scale the impact sends tremors through premiers, revenue, future careers of parties involved, future studio decisions, the list goes on. It’s reckless and irresponsible and these pussies (many in New York publications, shame on you) are going to try and get away with it like all greedy ass mother fuckers do until it finally ends.

So do the world a favor, concentrate on making some valid points and less time on being a giant douchebag.

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