about:stuff

I realize there has been some time that has passed since part one was created and published but it wasn’t intentional, I promise. I can’t really say there was a high demand for the remaining two installments but I will say, according to the logs, part one received a higher degree of hits than the majority of my other posts.

Without further ado, The Top 9 Things Forum Nerds Will Never Admit (Part 2)

SHIA LEBEOUF HAS TALENT

For several years now he has been the subject (a.k.a. target) of some off-the-wall attacks on the Internet. This type of mudslinging goes down in forums of all types, even those the furthest thing from movies. The majority of these are baseless and menial contrivances such as: “he sucks”; “he’s horrible”; “I hate him”; “I hope he dies”; etc. Sometimes he’s used as a weapon to discredit someone’s opinions if they happen to hold him in any kind of positive esteem. These are the people who laugh when he’s seriously injured in a crash or hurt in a stunt on set. The reasonless bantering from the lowest denominating factor of trolling.

I can’t understand why there is so much hate for the guy. I mean what did he do exactly? Did he ruin your childhood(s) by starring in a live action Transformers movie that just didn’t live up to your expectations? Does his young success smack you across your poor, old, unsuccessful face? Maybe it was the unfortunate FAIL of the lackluster Indiana Jones 4? Reality check: It’s not his fault. I can probably sum up why you harbor this hatred than in 4 words. Michael Bay CGI Monkeys. But hey, it’s easier to pick a scapegoat than to trash the bad ideas of Steven Spielberg or that your crappy nerd cartoon Transformers is going to suck as a live action movie no matter who it is bringing it to life.

If you’re going to dislike someone, at least have valid reasons. For instance, I don’t find Robin Williams funny. I think he’s outdated, and his brand of humor is too immature (borderline cliché) for someone with my tastes. He plays the same annoying middle-aged man in many movies without much acting range with the exception being something like ‘Insomnia‘, which is on the serious half of the spectrum. In this day and age it’s simply too easy to go online and read the negativity surrounding someone’s personality/character and getting immediately angry at them. It’s a living cesspool of degenerative jealousy that often results in some seriously disturbing psycho-insults. When a group of people with bottled hate come together online to focus it in one direction, at someone, it becomes a shit storm of complex poo-flinging you often see at the zoo. Next time you feel like blasting someone’s character online, think about why first (make sure it’s true), and include those in your rant.

NO RAPE KIT NEEDED: GEORGE LUCAS DID NOT VIOLATE YOUR CHILDHOOD

Long ago, in a decade far far away… a movie so original, so ground breaking, so perfectly written that it made lots of money and lots of fans. The Star Wars franchise is always going to be the one to beat. From the endless supply of costumes for the casual fan or super-nerd, to comics, books, toys, games, etc. It’s huge, it’s billions of dollars. The story is not that unique though. The story arcs and the progression of the hero archetype have been rehashed and reused since mankind began the art of storytelling. With this in mind the only thing left to distinguish this as unique is the actors, the cinematography, the settings the movie takes place in. When Star Wars hit the scene it was all never-seen-before, it was a game changer, it was the creme de la creme of mixing a great story in a great setting. (The Dark Knight also accomplished this, it also made a little bit a money.) So with it’s claim to fame centering around supporting set pieces and special FX it’s no wonder these would be utilized again in the future.

The hype for Episode 1 was so intense you’d have to be living in a 3rd world country in order not to feel it’s effects. People waited in line for days to see it on opening night. The trailer was so anticipated you could almost attribute half of Meet Joe Black‘s theatrical box office gains to the trailer alone. However I remember seeing the world premier trailer on Channel 9 News the very next night in it’s full length goodness without going anywhere. There is a reason you don’t buy into the hype, your mind is a fantastical machine capable of conjuring up the impossible and setting imaginary expectations through the limitless roof. This is the main reason I think most people love to hate on the prequels. They will bitch about too much special effects, too little story, shoddy acting or Jar Jar Binks in general and overdo it. Episode 1 had a lot on its plate to begin with, these movies would have been so much better if the mindset of its viewers wasn’t stuck in the original. If they were made in order they would have told a much better, much grander story. But for an unbiased, nonpartisan opinion, find someone (if you can) who hasn’t seen any of them and do it chronologically; hell, even do it in the same order they were released in just view them all within a month or less and ask them what they think. I guarantee their feelings on the original trilogy will be less enthusiastic than yours and their feelings on the prequels will be more positive than yours.

The last and more recent turmoil in Lucasland flowing across the never ending reaches of the Internet is the latest Indiana Jones trip. Now I have my beef with this movie as much as the next guy but again, some people feel like this has taken a massive shit over their collectively nostalgic faces. Taking out the vine swinging, CGI monkey part and the nuclear survival by hiding in a fridge and it’s a better movie. If you’re going to suspend disbelief there has to be some laws of survival that followed and neither of these are really possible by any stretch. Countless forum dwellers will go the extra mile and discuss the absurdity that is an alien ship, and as such, alien beings that exist in this reality. I beg you to reconsider on account of the supernatural events surrounding the original trilogy, events happening in every single one. To someone who doesn’t believe in any gods, those movies would be as completely full of shit as this one was to the folks who don’t believe aliens exist either. This is not a good basis to judge as there is a definite higher probability that aliens do exist in some form, somewhere in the universe than there is of some omnipotent sadist who loves to watch humanity suffer and destroy themselves from the comfort of his invisible sky throne.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE IS STILL FUNNY BUT NEEDS MORE COWBELL

Despite what a plentiful bunch of trolls say, SNL is still getting laughs and is still hilarious. You can’t get very far on a multi-aged forum without seeing someone’s garble on how SNL isn’t funny. These kind of high brow ‘humor experts’ are so above the curve that you’ll rarely laugh at anything they say. Why is it the people who spit out nonsense about something not being funny on a consistent basis are the ones who have little to no sense of humor? The order of annoying forum posters follow this sequence: “omg first post!!1111!!1” -> “OFN u fuking idit!” -> “Not funny. Never was funny. Never will be funny.” Way to be the buzzkill. These “not funny” people are the same quasi-elitists who go on Thoreau style rants against society mostly because society left them roadside for the more funny, more amiable friends. They dwell in what they deem themselves to be upper intelligence pools of enlightenment. Sitting on the throne of the desk chair casting judgements on what is cool, or funny, or appropriate, or moral simply because their egos are out of check and their sense of reality is grossly out of touch. Pay no attention to them and they’ll be enraged enough to quit. Nothing kills these types faster then not giving them the attention or adoration they seek.

Another angle some approach this subject is a cast comparison. You’ll often see examples of why cast member a is inferior to old cast member b. Hardly ever is this comparison in reverse. It’s always the new coming up short of the old glory. It happens everywhere. The same people who argue today’s SNL is nothing compared to yesterday’s are the very same people who defended yesterday’s SNL to the people who were bigger fans of years prior. It’s more widespread now with the prevalence of the Internet but it’s the same generational dispute it always was. I recently went back and watched ‘SNL in the ’90s – Pop Culture Nation‘ and they include this very topic. They had the 80s lovers hating on the 90s era cast. Much like we have the 00s hating of today. This type of argument has no winner as both are acclimated to their particular tastes. Also, arguing against someone’s nostalgia is one of the more fierce uphill battles you’ll ever face. If you have someone who laughed themselves to sleep as a kid watching SNL in the 80s you’ll never win them over to the SNL crowd of today. Eras are simply too dated, pop culture humor only works in the culture it makes fun of (for the most part). What passed for laughs 20 years ago will rarely pass today. Everyone will be better off remembering this.

A tangential issue with that mindset is the phobia of new things. Not exactly an anxiety-inducing fear, but a calloused resistance to new things. People hate change, people hate changing things they like, it’s ingrained into their very souls. It’s why old people are often the most stubborn, it’s why religion is highly out of date, it’s why people are still voting for McCain. Sketch comedy is always trying to evolve, to up the ante, to maintain a sense of edginess and still remain fresh. This is why there are reoccurring elements of SNL, from TV Funhouse to SNL Digital Shorts, on to whatever the next big thing will be. While short lived, these are the often the best parts. You try and compare Deep Thoughts or Lower Expectations with newer elements like Digital Shorts or MacGruber but it just won’t match up. Some people cling to the oldies like it’s a religion and close their mind up to anything new. You see elements of this in music, in fashion, in entertainment, in literature. Older generations have always held disapproval for these areas and SNL is the embodiment of all of those facets, so it’s no wonder the order generations hold the same contempt for the ever evolving sketch comedy show they once loved.

In case you glanced over it, here’s a link to The Top 9 Things Forum Nerds Will Never Admit – Part 1